Another Birthday and a give away

So yes. I am not dead yet. Was too scared to kick the bucket. I am well and trully alive, and in a much better place. Thank you to all of you who had me in your thoughts and prayers, and who reached out to me via this blog and email. I am so grateful. I took alot of what you all said on board, and especially enjoyed putting some of them into practice ( eating chocolates anyone), and as a result, I think I have to come up with a new set of measurements for myself as my tops don’t button up anymore.

It is also that day of the year. You know, the day that makes you reflect on your life, your purpose on earth and all. I turned 32 today. Nothing major. I got a new present. Two actually and two cheques. The presents are drying up me thinks.

First up, a subscription to Adobe Creative Cloud. Yeah yeah, you don’t have to gasp so loud. I can hear you from here. Jealous? hehehe. A couple of you suggested I do something like start a new hobby to get me out of my dark maze. So, I decided on graphic and web design as the new thing I want to learn. Actually this might not come as a surprise to some of you who have been reading my blog for some time. I am always playing with the look of my blog, tweaking a code here or there, html here, CSS there. This subscription gives me access to Photoshop, Illustrator, Indesign, Dreamweaver and a host of other software by Adobe. Cool huh?

Then I also got the Wacom Bamboo tablet. Infact, I told Mr.Dibs his inability to procure the tablet would result in a strongly worded letter from my solicitors. Yes, people have filed for divorce for lesser slights. You would think Mr.Dibs would use this opportunity to free himself from the prison that is marriage to me but no. I have the tablet right here with me. I must surely be doing something right. Who would have thought. Surely all the burnt toasts and dodgy eggs would have put him off by now right? Apparently not.

I suppose this is the part where I have to state all the things I am grateful for this year and yadi yadi da. I won’t go into that. I have decided not reflect on my life today. I have been doing that alot lately, and today I am just going to be as positive as I can manage at this point. I am going to a steakhouse tonight with Mr.Dibs and the rest of the little family. I have not eaten much all day because I intend to stuff my face silly tonight. I have decided whatever restaurant we go into MUST have Chocolate fudge cake on the menu else I am not eating there. I am going to have the main course and two deserts. No healthy entree for me today. Nope. I’ll take a few pics tonight and show you what I had. Who knows, a couple of you might actually die of jealousy ( Rach I’m looking at you).

GIVEAWAY TIME

In honour of my birthday, I have a couple of things to give away.

1) Blog makeover

This includes a custom header, navigation bar, sidebar titles, social networking icons and any other thing you want inorder to achieve a coordinated look for your blog. This is limited to Blogger Blogs only. Sorry WordPress peeps.

2) Collete Patterns book

I have had this book for some time now, but I have not made anything from it. and I do not think I shall be making anything from it anytime soon, so it might as well find a new home somewhere else.

3) Sew U Home Stretch book

Sew U Home Stretch: The Built by Wendy Guide to Sewing Knit Fabrics

It is no secret that I love sewing with knits, and it is even less of a secret that people are scared of knits. This book provides a really good way of  incorporating knits into your wardrobe.

4) Sewaholic Cordova Jacket

Image of 1205 Cordova Jacket

Who does not love Tasia’s patterns? I have a couple of them though I have not made any yet. Laziness is the name of the game people. Hopefully that will change this year.

This giveaway will be for 1 week, and will end on Friday 7th December 2012 at Midnight GMT. I shall then pick out the names of the winners. If you are interested in any of the items, just leave your name and what you want in the comments section, if you want all of them, just mention that. I promise I won’t call you a greedy so and so.

Enjoy your weekend, and please, do join me and have a glass of wine ( or bottle?) to celebrate my birthday.

Sometimes we are each others pillars

Hi all, this post is somewhat personal so if you do not like to read sob stories, I highly suggest you stop reading NOW. You’ve been warned.

I read this post on Mimi G’s blog, and something she said touched me so much. The whole post was so inspiring to read, and the last paragraph read like it was meant for me. The exact line I have been repeating to myself since I read the post is:

 “…it doesn’t matter how you started out it only matters how you finish” – Mimi G

So yes, we are all each other’s pillars sometimes.

Lately I have not been posting regularly. Yes I know, you are all aware of that.

It is not because I have started work again, and work is keeping me busy. No, it so happens that I am going through a rough patch. Some call it being blue, or feeling low, others call it depression. I don’t like the word depression. It sounds so negative. A few people in my life are whispering the words ” postnatal depression”. Hmm. I don’t know.

I was not going to write anything about my feelings on this blog. No, talking about my dark feelings publicly is not something a British person would do. A British person would rather internalise their sufferings. I am totally aware of the fact that my previous statement is a generalisation which might be offensive to some people, and I am sorry if you are offended. It is not my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings. I am only speaking from my observations of the British people I have come into contact with. So, yes, whilst Mr.Dibs is English, I am not, and I do not mind talking about how I feel. I spend time writing about my life on this blog, the good and not so good. To pretend everything is going swimmingly in my little universe now would be quite the lie.

I have not sewn anything. I don’t want to. Even if I did, I won’t be able to take pictures. Not because I don’t want to take pictures of sewn garments, but because I can’t fake a smiling happy face when I am the total opposite inside.

I have been functioning, going through the motions, waking up, going to work, coming home, playing with Noah, breathing, eating…I am not happy though. I am not happy, and I really don’t know what to do. I keep seeing bathtubs filled to the brim, with floating strands of hair. Not healthy thoughts I know, but I have them. My sister says I should think of Noah when I have this otherworldly thoughts. I try. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just wait it out. I’ve finally convinced myself it can’t be me floating in the tub because my kinky afro strands are most determined to remain coiled. No floating silky tresses for me there. And no, I don’t plan on getting extensions any time soon.

I can’t pinpoint the exact source of my troubled state. Everything just seems to be wrong at the moment. Everything. I was crying the other day to a relative, and she did not get me. She saw no reason why I should be crying about anything, and said I should think of my relatives in Cameroon who had nothing. That might sound mean, but you need to understand that in Cameroon, many people just go along with what life deals them. They complain about it though, whinge to everyone who would listen ( kinda like what I am doing now, so there..)You kind of accept where you are, and tread on, no tears. I’m not like that. I can’t pretend to be ok when I am not. I can’t pretend I am happy with where I am presently because I am not. Bottom line, I am kinda messed up in my afro covered head.

So while I still read your blogs, I am not in a state to write on my mine regularly. So please bear with me, while I try to out-shrink the shrinks, dissect my brain, and get to the root of my melancholy.

Peace

Dibs